A few good friends.

My father used to say to me all the time as a kid..."You are the company you keep." I figured that was merely his way of reminding me to make friends with the "right sort" of folk. In sixth grade that meant hang with the girls who made good grades, who didn't curse and who weren't inclined to get me into trouble, But even today, even now that saying still holds weight. There are two sorts of friends I think I've kept over time.

1. The ones that I thought I should be friends with. (aka: energy zaps r' us)
2. The ones that actually have inspired, nurtured and supported me. (aka: the keepers of the light)

As I talk about cleaning up, clearing up, sweeping away debris and making a way for my next chapter...I find myself spiritually confronted with the growing discomfort of sitting in friendships that are two sizes too small. Ones which makes make me feel trapped or in some way unable to breathe. The friends that may or may not mean well, but seem only to thrive when one of us or both of us is being incredibly insincere. The ones where you spend more time trying not to start an argument then you do actually enjoying their company.

Historically, I have had a difficult time with closure. I think bluntly, but only recently learned to speak in the same manner. I pardoned the unpardonable, excused the inexcusable, ignored the obvious and swallowed anything remotely authentic about how that relationship made me feel. Sometimes, I'd get so tripped up in who should be measured out blame, that I missed the bigger point. When a friendship has outgrown it's shelf-life...it's no ones fault. It's just important to acknowledge it and free each other from the discomfort of sitting in shoes that no longer fit. You may agree, you may not. Doesn't change what remains. I've always assumed that if I tell someone that I'm not sure the friendship feels "healthy" anymore - I will be the bad person. I will have caused someone duress. Even at my snarkiest, I've never enjoyed hurting anyone.

At some point though, in the quest to clean the house and tidy up for the next chapter of your life, you are going to come face to face with the company you keep. I can say for the first time in my life, the people in my inner circle truly do enhance the quality of my experiences. In small and large ways. I can also say that I need to make a better effort at trimming the fat, to eliminate some white noise. To free up some space for much needed quiet. Quiet spirit. Quiet mind. Quiet experiences. Peace and quiet that only centered, balanced, authentic people seem to bring.

No. This doesn't mean I'm excommunicating folks right and left. Sometimes, it's just adjusting proximity. Managing boundaries. Not feeling the need to seek validation or tell your business to acquaintances cleverly disguised as friends. Knowing the difference between the two - and treating them both with the respect and distance or honesty they deserve. When I go back to the types of friends I've kept, I know number one is where I trim the fat. Number two...number two's list makes life much more palatable.

All I truly need are a few good friends.