A good definition of letting go.
Interesting life talk popped up in pottery class this afternoon while I was trimming and etching. Such philosophical conversations occur in that studio. I think I love that as much as the hobby. Today we got to talking about that tried and true concept of "letting go." So much easier said than done...even more difficult when no one ever gives you a blueprint as to how to make that happen.
We likened it to individual events going on in people's lives:
- A love affair that's lost.
- A loved one sitting somewhere between life and death.
- A parent letting a child spread their own wings.
- A worry about an unforeseen event that you do not control.
- A past hurt that's shaped your perception of who you are, what you can do and where you can go.
Someone, in a moment of scripted insight said, "You just have to let it go." And in a moment of hilarious exclamation another potter says..."What the *filth* does that really mean, anyway?"
Depending on your personal inclination, you can undershoot it or completely bash it to death. Guess which one I've been more inclined towards? Well...actually, both. A dance of extremes. A true pendulum. When I've swung to the right, I've gone all Queen of Hearts. Off with your head, Bitches. When I realize the severity of that extreme, my urge is to swing immediately in the opposite direction, as far left as I can get. Moral of the story is...extremes rarely provide comfort, clarity or insight. Extremes cause trauma. Don't linger too long on either side.
"Let it go."
After hearing the ensuing debate about what letting go is (and isn't), I decided to Google it. Why not? I Google every damned thing else. I found some pretty insightful interpretations mixed in with idiotic, oversimplified Dr. Phil-isms. The best definition of letting go (to date) was this:
Letting go means allowing things to exist as if they were in the palm of your hand. Taken from, "The Art of Letting Go" found at: PositiveHealth.com
Not clutching, but not chucking that thing at a brick wall either. It's merely...acceptance. Letting it rest, untouched. Unhampered, unmolested by you and whatever pesky baggage "beliefs" you're lugging.
I think so many of us hear, "chop off a limb you've come to depend on," when we hear the words let go. We equate it with immense grief. Loss. Saying goodbye to something. The removal of this "thing" we desperately want to preserve. Problem is, the "thing" letting go suggests we release isn't the "thing" we're obsessing over having to lose. And naturally, when threatened with loss, we cling for safe keeping. And...in the process....we 're putting a bunch of energy into the wrong...well... thing.
Perhaps letting go can be a bit easier if you think of it as that ball in the palm of your hand. It's not leaving you, you're not leaving it. You're simply allowing it to be, without your manipulation. It's a commitment to put your precious energy elsewhere. It is ACCEPTANCE. Of whatever is currently going on in your world without swinging too wildly in one direction or the other over it.
What's the alternative?
You can opt to go mad and beat yourself senseless with the stick of delusion. That's always a choice too. But I hear it leaves one helluva mark.
Comments
extremes rarely provide comfort, clarity or insight.
nicely written and expressed, rpm!! :)
Then again, cutting off is always the easy way out! Getting rid of a pain in your life without actually dealing with it is the quick and easy way. Facing the pain, accepting it, and then finding peace with it is the hard part.
I liken it to falling into a pool. You first have to take the plunge, let it wash over you, and most of all, relax. Eventually you float back to the top.
@FIRE: Stopping the insanity. I hear you. I've been skilled at trying the same thing over and over and over. I carry lots of bruises from that. LOL. You'll get there, you get closer every day you're aware.
@Maggie: Maggie, I am so glad I visited your blog this weekend. Where were you hiding?!?! Thanks. :)
@Reesie: I can relate. You've got more fire than I do, so I'll bet you've been able to stay with that choices of cutting off better than I have. I go Queen of Hearts and then I lay immobilized in grief for way way way too long. It may seem "less complicated" but it's never been easy. Cheers, and I hope the transition is going well. I thinking 'bout ya!
@Barry: the pool is an excellent analogy. If I could describe myself in that situation, I think historically I've been the one clinging to the diving board, eyes shut, shaking my head vigorously. LOLOL. Eventually, you float back to the top. You expressed that magically. Thanks.
this is an issue that has been on my mind too lately - and I actually posted on it yesterday. :)
Thank you for your insightful thoughts. They hit right home
The first three in that list, I think, a lot of people can recognise. The last two, however, I find interesting.
A worry, or even more-so, a part hurt, can be such a deeply subplanted part of your psyche that I doubt many people consiously put 1 and 1 together when they react to a situation in a way dictated from something that's shaped their preceptions from a negative experience... Okay, I know that last sentence is a little long but I am serious.
How many people don't want to be controlled by an abusive parent? The very act saying to youself "I'll never treat my children like that" is at it's a core a direct motivation based on your reaction to something that has shaped you.
Maybe I don't know where I am going with this, but it seems like letting go in a complete disconnection may be impossible, and maybe unhealthy? These things make you who you are - often times for the better.
Yup. I think...linked to this, is the believe that you have to "hate" something. You have to say, "I'm letting go of this person, they are dead to me." Or..."I'm letting go of my past and I'm gonna hate all bald men named Lex." Is the very antithesis of letting go. Acceptance = allowance. Allowing yourself to accept what's happened, release the negative feelings you have about it. Carrying a 'beef" is just another way to hold on. To pain, and to the people you think are to blame for it.
That's a hard one. Very hard.
i like the idea of something existing peacefully in the palm on my hand, unmolested by me. That's a nice image (and a new one for me) that I'm going to try to hold onto as I endeavor not to smother my children to death with my need to keep them.
I've always associated the idea of letting go with a loss of some kind. Sometimes that loss is good, like getting rid of anxiety or getting out of a destructive relationship. But often the loss is not good, and implies that something will be missing from me from that point forward.
I like this image. I think I'll keep it. :-)
I like the imagery of something sitting peacefully in the palm of my hand. That means I am not grasping it or hanging on to it tightly...like baggage. I think we hang on to things to try and make sense of things and we somehow think we can make it more digestable someway, somehow, so we hang on. The we drag them all with us like a matched set up luggage....dragging us down the more we pack into those suitcases. We keep it because we think we need to keep it, like all the broken items we throw into the garage to fix "someday".
But some things we just need to accept for being what they are and lose our emotional grip on them and find peace that it is what it is. We cant change or fix everything. We need to unchain ourselves and move on. We can't pick up something new if we are hanging onto something old.
nice mate, what a beautiful sentence, a great exhale...thanks :)
1) humans are inclined to "control" things in their life. Indeed there is a huge bandwidth, but even when not being a "control freak", we still like to have at least some control over things that really matter to us.
2) humans resist (dramatic) changes, because it pushes them out of their comfort zone into uncertain and unfamiliar territory.
However, both problems almost always go on in parallel and and in hand.
"Letting go" means that we have to surrender control totally and accept that changes will occur. We feel helpless, like a kite in the wind! We have no way to determine the directions the wind carries us. We are scared that we crash and burn, or at least spiral out of control.
However, if we acknowledge that the wind is also able to carry us higher to break through all the dark clouds where the sun shines again, we can see that "letting go" opens new endless horizons... BTW, now you know why I chose this screen name *smirk*. I have learned the lesson in my own life that "letting go" really opens new great opportunities and led me to beautiful virginal shores that I have not known before. If I had not let go, I still would live under dark clouds today rather than living a happy life. May this inspire all of you to "letting go" rather than fighting battles which are already lost.
Extremely well written as I have recently "let go" of several things in my life -- some were much easier and more at relieving than others, some i am still struggling to relinquish.
I really needed to read this. You have impeccable timing.
Thank you :)
-eliag
Thank you RPM.
*hugs Lemon* -you're welcome, Sunshine.