Glass half something.
There are moments when I feel crazy or at the very least, the most ungrateful girl in the world. Both bring a fair measure of shame. In an attempt to feel everything as deeply and as fully as I can, I wonder if I will ever feel full. I feel like I knew it once, but perhaps it was more fantasy than truth. And so, I am wary to believe anything truly is what it seems to be anymore.
I expected, as many others do, that wrapping up everything you could ever ask for in the perfect package would be enough to chase the darkest days away. I thought it you wished for sincere things, and not the candy coating at the surface, magically...there would be healing. And while healing occurs, I'm learning there is nothing immediate about it. Just as it may fall from the sky, you must be willing to let it wash over you. You must open your arms to knowing.
I was told once to let life's events be a coin in your open palm. Let them simply, be there...and accept that you don't control them any more than they control you. I've learned to do that, at least keeping my hand open...but there are moments like these, when I still don't believe I am not controlled by those events. There are days when I still feel tortured by feelings or thoughts or memories.
There are still days when I silently wish for that feeling of fullness. Fantasy...or otherwise. And there are moments when I think perhaps all I was supposed to know of that feeling has come and gone. So I find myself waffling between being at peace with the wholeness and warmth of something a little like it and believing that the fullness I've known was not my imagination...but one of the very reasons we exist.
Maybe I need to be comfortable with both.
Comments
I find it beneficial in my advancing years not to think so much. Thinking too much just churns up things I don't want to remember.
I think we tend to oversimplify what we think happiness is. Most people think of happiness as a concrete destination or something we can hold in our hand. The French believe that happiness is the journey.
Once we stop growing.....we are done. I think the key is to always be on some sort of journey....growing and developing......satisfied that we are always freshening our soil, our air, our lives.....so that we may always breathe a fresh breathe that never goes stale.
So I no longer need my old bumper sticker that said "The one who dies with the most toys, wins!" (although, toys are nice...)
RPM...so often you and I seem to be in emotional sync to the extent that I sometimes read your posts and think I wrote them. Today is not one of those days as for some reason I seem to be riding a wave of complete optimism. Maybe that is because I am supposed to be a messenger for you today...maybe not, who knows. What I do know, is that even though sometimes the place in which we are existing makes us want to embrace mantras such as this and that's okay for a short time. The thing is...
I, (and you on most days I believe) believe that wishes do come true and blessings are to be claimed and can oftentimes be spoken into existence. If indeed these things are the case, it would be a shame to embrace the other mantra for too long as it would possibly delay the advent of your wishes coming true. Afterall, not making a wish does not equate to no longer having wishes so if you're gonna have them anyway why not be doing every single thing you can to make them come true as soon as they can...
In the meantime, I use some of my wishes for you ;)
*Sharon smiles*