Online Personals: I said I would out you. I meant it.
Scenario Overview
In response to some requests that I share some of the strangers replies in my online personals adventure.
The victim: We shall call him 'Tiny." Tiny because he is 5 feet 6 inches tall. Which is a respectable height, nothing wrong with it, except I am 5 feet 9 inches. Tiny is 32 (younger than me), an avid dancer (I am no dancer and live in terror of being asked to do it) and completely incompatible with me in every other sense.
He began leaving me notes over two weeks ago. The first one was kind. He liked my profile. I received two more very similar to that initial one, including his first stab at answering my "conversation starters." I read them, told him I appreciated him answering the questions. I was happy to know he found the questions, unhappy to know he "leapfrogged" my preferences in search of them.
He in turn asked me a few, I wrote him back and said I didn't think we'd be a good fit for each other, but in the interest of being cordial, I included my replies to his questions. I realize this may have been a mixed message, but as a successful software engineer, I would have expected him to take the polite answer and wish me well. Certainly he'd be bright enough to muster that.
Not so much.
At the close of the same week, I receive another message, this one seeming to suggest he has a serious problem with selective memory. He told me he was interested in getting to know me, he liked my profile. Ahhhh, yes. We established that. The rest of the conversation went as follows:
On 03/16/2007 02:47 am CDT, M wrote: On 03/21/2007 03:29 am CDT, M wrote: On 03/22/2007 07:55 am CDT, you wrote: On 03/26/2007 08:35 pm CDT, M wrote: On 03/27/2007 12:30 pm CDT, you wrote:
I really do not want to waste your time. You seem like a really cool
guy, I just know for me it's not going to be a good fit. I'm
wishing you the very best of luck and an awesome weekend.
Take care,
Cherrie
What I actually wrote:
Again, I am wishing you the very best.
- C
What I wanted to write:
1. Because you do not fall within the height preferences
2. Because you do not fall within the age preferences
3. Because you're creepily annoying with this persistence
4. Because I don't like your profile photo
5. Because you have not honed the art of reading between the lines
6. Because you just used 4 question marks to emphasize your concern
Comments
oh geez... see, this is why you are brave, even if you aren't taking it too seriously. [this is a pain in the ass]
I don't think you have to be so diplomatic, really. Maybe a tiny dose of ouch will do some of these tools and their prospective dates some good, ya know? Like if you tell him you are feeling like he's a bit persistent and also that you feel like one of 8 million people he replied to since he seems to have forgotten about the initial contacts. I think a lot of guys are just trying to throw as much of their shit against a wall in hopes that something will stick.
I get evil when I'm sick. I truly do.
ahaha! Meetic is a way for me to know how mean I can be.
No matter what, I still manage to get mails from people who didn't read my profile at all & who spend their time asking about things they are supposed to know OR I have a bunch of old people litteraly harassing me. It's beyond annoying. >:(
oh lordie woman. some people are just dense, aren't they? i think it's going to come to the point where you aren't going to be able to let someone down diplomatically.
and while it'll suck... i look forward to hearing about it naytheless! ;)
"3. Because you're creepily annoying with this persistence" - dead give away that there is a GOOD reason that he's single right now.
This fool ain't me!
Besides, we all know you're way way smoother than this. Need I quote one of your lines? Don't make me do it, man.
If only he'd used one less. Boy, you are strick! :)
do not like drama or head game. when a guys says this - adios mutha!!
sheesh - what dorks.
lmfao
You're brave taking this on!
i've cultivated, of late, an interest in 'younger'
...by quite a fair margin.
lot of good that has done me.
i like your use of 'not so much' in this post.
annoying persistence is not an attractive trait, a deal-maker, or a precursor to prenuptuals. senior hubris can't take rejection, and is using this exercise as a means to flex his egomaniacal muscles. stay the hell away from short men with clueless outlooks and napoleon complexes. the potential for long term damage could rival the defeat of the western world.....
"next!"
Dude, you are a looooooooooooooser!
he he.
Before I met Aju I did the online thing... I went on some fun dates, but never met anyone substancial. Aju made the old cliche come true for me, love finds you when you're not looking. I was dating someone else when we met... and it was obvious from day one that I was with the wrong person (whom I had met through an online dating service). Love really is where and when you least expect it. Shockingly. lol Damn cliches.
ps... I love your 'give'em hell' attitude in general... your posts are super entertaining for me.
*lol*
even if I'm 5 feet 6 inches I wouldn't date him - too short even for me. But I could overlook that if he had intelligence. So nope. And what is it with people who feels the need to use more than one . , ! ? etc. one is quite enough. It is just as annoying as people who speak in sms language.
I never had the guts to really give online dating services a chance. I signed up for a few free previews, saw what they were trying to match me with in my area and freaked out.
I never even got to the "chatting" stage.
I am so glad to be married now.
LMFAO
@RPM: Embarassingly, I've been guilty of misguided persistence in my dating life. I think that's why I'm concious of responsiveness and reciprocity today (http://www.43things.com/things/view/1117938).
I think it's very nice that you treat your suitors with as much graciousness and courtesy as possible.
It's a good thing I didn't try to woo you! :)
1. You would have read my profile and thus noticed my preferences.
2. There's a difference between persistence and being unable to hear, "not interested."
Re-read that string. Do you honeslty think you would have put yourself in that position?
@RPM:
Do you honeslty think you would have put yourself in that position?
As I confessed, I have, embarassingly. There was a period where, because of neediness and insecurity, I pushed for too much too soon, and lost opportunities to really get to know some interesting women.
Hopefully, I've learned the lessons of the past.