Stranded.
I sit in mom's kitchen, pondering my existence, the passing of Gerald Ford and what exactly I should be blogging about this morning.
There's so much that could be said, and so much more I could should be silent about. Some things are better for books than blogs, right?
This was an odd holiday, no bones about it. Everyone I spoke to seemed to be experiencing some sort of malaise. A general lack of shiny elf-like magic that's media tells us we should feel. I came into the holiday fiercely determined to remain upbeat, cheerful, happy and accepting of all events that piece together a puzzle I can't see yet. I dodged the negative thoughts and energies I felt around me, convinced there is something in my nature that encourages people to complain knowing that they will receive an encouraging reply. I vowed to myself I would return only good strong energy. The sort you build sandcastles on when you're a child, confident nothing could ever come and wash it away. A blind, naive trust that the universe wants to bring you something beneficial. There's a little kid somewhere in me that desperately wants to believe in this notion.
I missed my voxers. I'm looking forward to catching up with my neighbors. I missed this space. It's very hard to write, anything...when I return Philly. Even to journal. It's unfortunate too, as I typically experience/see/feel so many things during these sojourns. So much to say, but I remain silent. I suppose I'm waiting for the dust to settle, and to return to a place that allows me to sit quietly enough to get it out. So for any of you who are interested...some random thoughts I've been chewing on:
- James Brown passed on Christmas Day. As is typical of human nature, I must have heard 20 or so alternative posthumus titles for his songs. Absurd little takes on his song titles. Bizarre how we mask our discomfort regarding death with humor.
- Ever noticed that somethings are so difficult to return to? Sleep from nightmare, sweet dreams in general, childhood and illusion from clarity, in particular.
- Is it foolhardy to return to Texas carrying a Philadelphia Eagles duffel bag full of presents?
- I was told by a certain someone that there's a present waiting for me when I return to Texas. And yes. For those of you who weighed in on this and this...you'll know how curious/terrified/excited/concerned I am about the prospect of this. My mantra is..."make nothing of everything." Still I wonder...why a present?
Comments
Bizarre how we mask our discomfort regarding death with humor.
I think we mask our discomfort with many things with humor...at least I know I do.
I remember the first time I went home and I saw it through "adult" eyes, without the illusion of my childhood. It was both difficult and a little freeing.
Safe travels!!
This is one of those dangerous moments when the difference between men and women becomes eternally polarized. "Get what's coming to you" could be a girl's diamond ring, or man's yearly gift certificate to an online dating service.
*vows not to think about it anymore*
I hope you make it back safe! Unless you're already back in Texas by the time you read this.
yanno, i live in my childhood home now, having moved out for a mere year. and i only lived twenty minutes away. and i think i've been living in that haze for months now. i'm not too too worried about it, because it keeps me from going absolutely fucking nuts and killing a number of people at work.
of course, i'm also going to be doing my best to move to Japan for at least a year to get out of that haze, away from here, off somewhere to hopefully do something with my life, or at least feel like i'm doing so.
i missed you!!!!!!!! *hugs* (of the bowling over sort of course!)
Have you been keeping the world safe and adequately controlled while I was lost in family shtuff? Did ya have a good Christmas? Hey, I got volume one and two of the Ultimate James Bond Collection for Christmas. I'm pissed they didn't group Seans together. (Don't you love how we use comments as email?)
i've been hard at work, writing lists of who will die first when i am crowned. and spending money i don't really have. and eating waaaaaaaaaaaaay too many chocolate chip cookies. funnily enough, i haven't been writing much.
i keep alternately getting exceedingly excited about just applying, and utterly freaked out. and i can't even apply until about september of next year. at least that leaves me plenty of time to get my shit together. it's either this or grad school. and i'd much rather move to japan.
anywho. yes, i love that we use comments like email. honestly? easier. i did have a good christmas. i got some really cute tee shirts that i'd asked for, and an absolutely awesome new blanket for my bed. i am happy!
i thought the ultimate james bond collection was just the sean movies. i mean, were there really other bonds? i've heard rumors in the past, but i totally don't believe it.
well, except for mr. craig. mmmmmmmmm.... and i normally don't go for the stocky buff guys.
Brosnan in Die Anorher Day? Surfing the waves into North Korea?
Get...the...f*ck out of here.
There's only one 007. Sean. But Since Sean is enjoying his retirement...Daniel can GLADLY do the honors.
*RPM pees pants laughing at the thought of Pierce doing ANY hand to hand combat that doesn't include a tea cup*
and at this point, i have to admit that the first 007 movie i saw in theaters was Goldeneye. and i love it guilty pleasure style. i mean, c'mon, Xenia Onatopp? that's priceless. the whole thing with her getting off on strangling guys with her legs or whatever? equally priceless. not to mention hilarious. plus, famke jansen is hot.
that whole surfing into N.Korea thing was ridiculous. the entire "plot" of that movie was ridiculous. horrendous. moronic. i'm so glad that the franchise has gotten a reboot with Casino Royale.
I love Judi Dench as M. "Christ I miss the Cold War." that woman is so awesome.
You know some of us are dying to hear about this "present"....
:-)
...assuming you're gonna tell us! ....which of course you don't have to...but....inquiring minds....and all that...