The word dude, and posers as friends.

I warned you about strange posts, right?

I should not be posting right now. I have over a hundred email to view and address, plans for the close of tomorrow's tradeshow to ponder, and itineraries to confirm as company den mother to ensure my reps know where they are going and how they are getting there.

But I have to get these two things off my chest. If you are allergic to bitchiness, you should stop reading here.

Get...OUT, Dude!

I mean hate. Probably because in the past three days, I have heard this word exchanged amongst my team at least 40 times. So many times that this morning, as they bickered on the drive to the convention center, I finally exclaimed: "If I hear the *bleep*ing word DUDE in this truck one more time between here and the show, I am pulling over and you are walking the rest of the way. PROMISED." There was silence for a moment, and then rep #1 in the passenger seat looks at me and says,

"Dude, are you serious?"

I'll allow you to imagine what my reply might have been. They thought it was funny until I pulled over to the shoulder of the road. I know I should drown them out by repeating wholesome goodness in my head to keep me balanced, but there's only so much of that you can do when these guys spend the entire day trading insults like 12 year olds in a dugout.

Damn I must be getting old.

Peek a boo, I always saw you.

2. There is only one thing worse than someone who is a bad friend. It is a poser, pretending to be a friend.

I contend, some bad friends don't realize they are bad. They just haven't had a lot of experience. They can be worked with and with compromise, a great friendship can be established from a rocky start. Posers...there is no hope for them. Primarily because they were never interested in being your friend. They are opportunists. Identifying someone that can offer them something, be it exposure to a certain crowd, access to certain resources, or just the support of someone's hand holding theirs through a tough time. Posers come in talking grand, telling you all the things they admire or love about you all while heaping all their drudgery and drama into your lap for you to sort. While you're on task for them, they are ever available. Calling, IMing, emailing, inquiring and whatever else. Once they've used up all the resources they believe you can reasonably offer? They disappear.

Ain't no sense in calling these folks out. They've spent YEARS turning a blind eye to their own behavior. It's far better to acknowledge that you gave from a good place. And no matter the intentions of the receiver...to give from the heart is never a bad thing.

But once you recognize those opportunists posing as friends? Do yourself a favor and insert a little polite distance. Trust me...they are WAY too self absorbed to even realize what you're doing. In fact, for the first six months...they won't even notice. And by the time they do, you won't care enough to hold any hard feelings. And they will have moved on to another host. Bless their little vampired hearts.