What to do with useless rage?
Sometimes you just have to accept that there are people who will exist solely to annoy living shit out of you.
Okay, perhaps this is a wee bit dramatic. But I'll share with you what I feel is a sometimes an Achilles heel for me.
Sometimes I get angry. I don't mean roll my eyes or snark angry. I mean want to slap the hell out of us both angry. Thankfully, growing up in the manner that I did has helped me to select and embrace relationships that do not anger me in such ways. I don't think view a relationship that constantly has me ranting and spewing filth as "passionate." I see that as a death wish. Either by slapping or my heart simply bursting out of my chest.
But that's not my heel.
My heel is, learning to live in a world where there are people who with just the very utterance of something make me want to smash a banana in their face. There are three types of personalities that drive me to lady of rage status. These people personify my Achilles heel and come hell or high water, I will learn to observe their ridiculousness and be unmoved.
1. Big Opinion, Little Fact Man (Woman).
This person always has an opinion, always shares it whether you are interested or not and always bases their stance or opinion on little to no personal research or knowledge about the topic. This person can be found all across the world, wildly gesticulating about something. If you happen to disagree with this person, their only defense is typically to call you unenlightened or better yet, condescend about your "passion" or knowledge of the topic because they are not intellectually armed to have a healthy debate about it. They are also the first ones to look at you with wide eyed shock when you erupt into a fact based delivery of well...facts and will react only to the passion with which you deliver your rebuttal...not the actual content of your delivery. Always the first one to go, "Well you don't have to jump down my throat, I'm just stating the facts."
By the way Donnie Dorko...facts can be proven and are typically substantiated by compelling examples. Not just shit you made up in that fiction you call an encyclopedic mind.
2. Can't Talk About Anything Other than Me Man (Woman).
This person either needs more love from their mom, or a little less. On the surface, they project this aura of supreme confidence in their abilities. They go on and on and on about all the great things they think they do. They rattle off their many skills and talents. They work diligently to give you the impression that they are so completely together and will even go so far as to give you advice on what you might do to be a bigger, broader version of you. Because apparently, they have God-like vision that you yourself could'nt be leveraging because if you were, you'd have all the talents they have. Their arrogance is only preceded by their ignorance. Every event that happens in their life is overdone like a steak left too long on the grill. Any attempts they make at expressing concern are afterthoughts cleverly packaged as checks to ensure you are still paying attention to the sparkle and gloss and shimmer of them. Because beneath that surface, their biggest fear is that people in the world might just pick up how much they actually loathe themselves.
Too late IDiot. I see you. I even feel sorry for you. But if you keep on tossing that glitter in my face? I'm going to have to slap you with a garbage truck. Or...erase your ramblings from my main view.
3. I Annoy People For Fun Man (Woman).
This person finds amusement in the annoyance of others. Whatever is going on in their world, I couldn't tell you...but they don't seem to be happy unless they can make someone else grumpy. You know this one. You're sitting grinning to yourself, they walk up to you and say, "what the hell are you so happy about?"
Captain Curmudgeon. Pontius Prejudicial. They cannot live if you are happy or generally pleased. So wipe that damned slaphappiness right off your face.
Yeah. I just really don't like this one.
But my point is...I want to be tolerant! I want to be able to look at these and other characters running about boiling my blood like gravy and say..."oh you. You're a mess." And go on my way.
But I don't do that. I get outraged. Distracted by my anger so that I am trying to convert someone away from their behaviors towards one that is more palatable to me.
Like, who in the hell do I think I am?
I think part of being a true sage is practicing the beliefs and behaviors of some of the most incredible spirits of the human age. Take your pick, whoever it is you aspire to, and ask yourself the next time you feel your tolerance for nonsense plummeting...
What would ____________, do?
(By the way, if your great spirit of the human age is like Mike Tyson or somebody...then this most certainly does not apply to you.)
Comments
What is that about? I just don't understand it. I feel like it must be ME, something about me that brings it out in them. And it's ALWAYS a guy. *ding ding* coincidence? Steve's a guy. It's gotta be something to do with that, maybe the fact that we can think for ourselves and don't need them to tell us what to think so they just have to interject their nonsense? Unrequited feelings so it's their way of getting you back or something? I don't know. I just know it makes me want to slap someone with a garbage truck. There, I stole it already, thanks for that.
The other thing he does in particular, is try to quiz me on what I know, while I'm making a point. "oh well...do you know who was the quarterback for the Cowboys in 1987? Do you know when the Oilers left Houston?" As if by chance if I an unable to answer one of his trivia queries then I couldn't possibly be informed enough to have an opinion about the current discussion.
I used to find it mildly annoying and sometimes even amusing. But overtime it grows to the point of just saying, "listen...let's just move to another topic since you refuse to make my opinion seriously. Twatface."
Yes. I said twatface.
Sometimes I think it's a silent resentment about their perception of your intelligence and a greater need to take you down a peg.
yep....I definitely think that's in there...which really equals out to their own stupid insecurity, riiiight?
that makes me stabby!!!
Just delete that. Fingers typing while mind forming sentences. I did not mean to call CP an ironically. That was just cruel and heartless. I am the ironically. I always have been. *weeps*
well, can i just say... tolerance is for chumps.
lol, sorry, i had to. really, i totally understand where you're coming from... i guess i'm just a hugely intolerant asshole sometimes. i mostly just try to disassociate myself from those people.
i have noticed that i seem to end up around the ones that cannot let me be right about absofuckinglutely any little thing. unfortunately, one of the worst with me is my own brother, so I can't really do a whole lot about it except curse at him and leave the room. it drives me crazy, those people that won't let you be right, even if you have a handwritten note from god herself stating that you are, in fact, right. ugh!
twatface, though? i'm going to remember that one.
I've felt the same way, for a long time. My question to myself was, and now to you IS, How are you going to change? What are the steps you can take to improve your tolerance/understanding/empathy towards other people of all types?
I suspect/believe that most times, if a person's behavior drives me crazy, it's because there is something in their lives leading them to behave that way, and I was lucky enough to not have the same thing in MY life. God knows I irritate the crap out of people sometimes, but there are people that making a living doing it, even when they don't REALIZE it. I will probably spend the rest of my life learning how to feel compassion for these people, even if I DO choose to separate myself from them as much as I can.
And drama-llamas can KISS MY @SS. You want to make life harder than it is? Do it somewhere else. Mine's hard enough already.
What will I do? Challenge myself with what's really bothering me about the person. Do they make me painfully aware of some of my own insecurities? Do I dismiss them because in some ways I am like them. Look deeper. And then remind myself that somewhere out there, someone probably finds me JUST as annoying.
When you get my age, it takes too much energy to get angry. I find deflating their tires so soothing or passing gas.
Okay, I haven't really deflated anybody's tires... yet.
When I was growing up, and even well into young adulthood, I was told, flat-out, "You have no right to be angry about anything. Now wipe that look off your face before I slap it off, and go cook dinner (or whatever)." You live in Texas, RPM, you know what I mean. Apparently we delicate flowers of Southern womanhood have such fanfuckingtastic lives, we have nothing at all to complain about.
Also, I've been an irc chatroom operator for nine years. During that time, I've gotten the sooper-dooper economy-size pack of idjits, at least one of every type. Trust me, a position like that absolutely *demands* someone with a calm demeanor who can remain civil and still kick ass when necessary. For a while, due to health issues and a general lack of awareness, I was kind of a turd to people. No excuses there, that's just how it was. Add to that the deeply-ingrained guilt I felt over being angry at all, and you have one fucked up individual. If you go read my latest angry posts, you'll see what I mean.
Anyway ... to get to the heart of the matter - I had to find a workable way of dealing with this rage that didn't include hurting others. (Well, those who didn't bring it on themselves :) I found this little book very helpful:
Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh
If you decide to check it out, ignore the reviews. Read it and decide for yourself. Much of his advice is very simple and common-sense - even so, it bears repeating, because it's the simple and obvious solutions we tend to overlook the most. Take a night to yourself, run a hot bath, light some nice candles, and turn off your phones and tv's and music players. Don't answer the door. Just relax and read.
You're a lovely and aware being, I saw that the moment I first read your blog. And you have the force of will to make anything happen, if you focus properly. We all do. All that's required is focused intent.
PS: "Twatface". Hehe. I love it :)