Will I Be Your Valentine?
The answer is a resounding, YES.
Asked what's the best thing about the single life, Barrymore, 31, told PEOPLE at Wednesday's Hollywood premiere of her new romantic comedy Music and Lyrics: "Just look at my face – I can't stop smiling!"
So it isn't scary at all? "No! I'm very happy."
Barrymore, who recently split with Strokes drummer Fabrizio Moretti, continued, "I think it's important to give someone your heart and trust them and not be cynical. At the same time, I think being independent and strong and happy on your own and by yourself, it's probably what will make you a better lover.
- Drew Barrymore Says She's Loving Single Life, AOL Entertainment News
There are two crowds gathering this week, those who will be celebrating Valentine's Day in the typical manner and then those who either mock it or find ways to beat it to death, kick it in the ass or ignore it entirely. Then there might be that not so noisy, third group...slipping quietly between the pro and con.
There is no getting around it. I've seen enough pink and red this month to last a year or more. Each tribute by way of card, gift, commercial or event designed to squeeze another extra few quarters and nickels and dimes from our pockets and force us into acknowledging a holiday or being shamed into solitude for being brazen enough to dismiss it. For relationships, it seems the tension about what to do, how to make it somehow unique from what others are doing and somehow significant seems to be far more important then ensuring that you're actually expressing a true emotion that you're currently feeling. With the "other" l-word in overdrive this week...what are you supposed to do if you're actually idling comfortably in "like" with no urgency to drive faster or slower?
Are you any more or less romantic based on the actions you take on the 14th of February? Does the activity on that specific occasion matter any more or less than your deeds and sincere thoughts on any other day? Does your ability to "outwit, outlast and outplay" (thanks Survivor for the basic rules of existence made marketable) your fellow man or woman truly make you the most suitable candidate for the title of "Valentine's Day Achiever?" Sure most of us will smirk and say, "of course not." But underneath that polished exterior of the correct sayings and logical interpretations of what the day is and isn't...are we truly convinced?
Many of us make Valentine's Day a measure of worth, no matter how we rationalize otherwise. We either run around openly shooting arrows into the air, or grumbling and sniping at invisible cupids from dark, dank bunkers. But no matter which angle we overtly or subconsciously subscribe to - we're feeling something. A fear that we're not loved, or worse...lovable. A panic that we will cease to be relevant if we lose the love we believe we have today. An anger that somehow, the love we have isn't the love we wanted. I say take all of those weathered, beaten and mangled ideaologies and burn them in the nearest pyre - because none of that matters. And it's only true as you make it. Love, your self on February 14th, with as much passion and commitment as you can possibly manifest and watch those monsters vaporize before your eyes.
I am single this February 14th. But I don't dread this February 14th at all. On that morning, I won't wake up to breakfast in bed, or surprised by roses at the door...but I won't secretly loathe anyone who is. Have fun with it and enjoy it however you see fit, I say. My Valentine is my very life and all of the true, sincere, giving, strong, wise, courageous, insightful and beautiful interactions I experience with you. Yes, you. As Bjork would say..."all is full of love." And I mean to experience every drop. Not just when cupid says, but every day.
Neighborhood
Explore friends, family, friends & family, or entire neighborhood.
Comments
This is really great. I am one of those who secretly hates and envies the Valentine's Day gift givers and receivers. My husband and I decided long ago not to celebrate Valentine's Day, in large part because it is incredibly commercial and because of the exclusionary nature of the day. We try to be good about showing each other we love each other on a regular basis, instead of leaving it to our anniversary and Valentine's Day. That said, when I see those bouquets start arriving at work or hear details of a fabulous romantic getaway, I get a little jealous and invariably respond to it with a sense of snide superiority for not getting sucked in.
I think I will follow your lead and celebrate in my own way my love affair with me this Valentine's Day. Thanks for posting this. It really made me think about my own attitudes about the day. Hopefully I'll make a change for the better....
And you know what? I've been a fierce advocate of that snide superiority as well, for quite some time..but beneath that was a festering hurt I tried to squash. From now on...I'm going to make a greater effort to admit that...so that hurt can heal. Thanks again!!
i've never been a big fan of v-day, honestly. even when i was in a relationship. it's never seemed that big a deal to me, and it always feels like so many people make it into a measure of a relationship--"well, he didn't buy me flowers and chocolate this year, he must not love me enough." why do we need a culturally dictated day to show our S.O. that we love them? or even that we really dig them? what does it say about most women that they perpetuate and increase the pressure on the men to shell out ridiculous amounts of money on chocolate covered strawberries that they have to drive three hours to actually find? i've never understood that, and i never want to be one of those people who puts all kinds of pressure on my man to put out all this money for gimmicky gifts.
that isn't to say that i would turn my nose up at receiving a bouquet, but it doesn't have to be of roses. and if we just stay in that night and watch horror movies and order take away, that's nice too.
i sometimes feel a little bit of the green eyes coming on, but for the most part i'm happy for other people that they're happy, yanno? i'm happy with me, and with being single, and no hallmark holiday is going to guilt me into being unhappy with myself or with being on my own.
You possess the spirit of a warrior of Zena like proportion. Make this reason number 128 why I just love ya, woman.
My two cents: I have always liked VD (hee) because I like pink and red and love and girly shit like that. I have never actually attributed great importance to it as a signifier of the worth of my relationship or my boyfriend/spouse or myself. It's just a fun day. I love all holidays for that reason. Just make them fun days and attribute only as much importance to their meanings as you want. They're times to celebrate life, really; that's all. When people get stressed out about doing specific things or overachieving in their choice of chocolate samplers, they're defeating the purpose. Your idea, however, sounds perfect to me.
Some of the commenters suggested that it's better to shower your S.O. with love everyday. I think that is certainly true. Unfortunately, on normal days, we are prone to taking each other for granted, to getting too caught up in our work and other commitments. VD and other holidays should be a time to remember, for example, how much we love this person. You don't need Hallmark or chocolate to do so. My husband steadfastly refuses to buy me VD gifts, but he does love me. We just try to find days--VD and as many other days as possible--when we slow down, put the baby to bed, and remember what we have in each other (and, sure, ourselves).
For the record, I don't like the commercialization of holidays in general. Like I said, I think they're all just for celebrating life which can easily be done without all the shopping.
Sorry--I totally went off. Thanks for another great post, though. Keep 'em coming!
You post. I check "this is good". We might as well agree that this is our dynamic. :)
You're a voice for many. Well done!
You know, I was a married woman at such an early age first time around. I longed for the flowers, the chocolates, the flowery phrases and beautifully written cards. When I got those I didn't appreciate them. I didn't want those things from my husband. I wanted them from some unknown fantasy of a man. For 17 years I got them from the wrong person. What a waste.
What I took from Valentines day, finally, was that I had to be my own best friend, my own best lover, my own flowery phrase writer and take care of all my desires, wants and also needs.
I think people get so lost in the fantasy of the holiday they forget how to care for themselves and that they have the ability to give to themselves the gifts they seek. In fact that they should require those things from themselves instead of from others.
Give yourself that which you want and anything given to you by others becomes icing on the cake and something you can truly enjoy with passion.
FYI, I won't be waking up to breakfast in bed. I will be getting up and using my treadmill, getting my son up and taking him to school, same as every school day. Life goes on. I may get an extra kiss. That will be wonderful!
What I took from Valentines day, finally, was that I had to be my own best friend, my own best lover, my own flowery phrase writer and take care of all my desires, wants and also needs.
I couldn't agree with you more. Thanks to everyone for weighing in.
Sheryl, I would amend your statement that people get so lost in the fantasy of the holiday to read that people get so lost in the fantasy of a relationship (marriage or bf/gf or whatever). Seen so many people keep seeing their relationship through the fantasy-glasses and not recognize it for what it is. I don't mean relationships are always bad, but many are and a lot of people refuse to recognize it and think that a dozen roses will cover up the barren wasteland of unlove that they are stuck in. Those people (me, too, when I was younger and moderately stupider) need a hiatus from all things Valentine; no pink or heart-shaped anything should enter their frame of vision until they figure it out.
Man, someone must have put grumpy juice in my coffee this morning. Sorry.
Yes, I suspect you're right, but...I have a hard time understanding why anyone would. You know?
"When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance."
Don't know why, but that's stayed with me since the Pre-Freshman program in college many many moons ago.
totally off subject, but two of my favorite Oscar quotes:
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at stars.
I can resist anything except temptation.
i heart Oscar. :-)
i didn't realize we were up that high! ;)
oh, and another one: Either they go, or I do. the man's last words. he was referring to his curtains. i hope i'm that pithy on my deathbed!
God you're popular. I don't want to hear any more sad sighs about being single. Look at how many people love you! If you are lonely on Valentines, (and what is Valentines but a holiday to keep Hallmarks in business?) have an anti-valentines party where you sit with friends and make pornographic cards to yourself (or each other) from old porn magazines. It sounds ridiculous, yes, but it is the most fun way to spend the day. From experience, I know. Try it, you'll see.
Disclaimer: Must be with at least four people, preferably all girls, otherwise it gets weird... really weird.
I actually didn't see this post as a sad sigh about not having a partner with whom to share Valentine's Day. I saw it as a recognition that we all have a partner for this day and every day, one we often overlook because we are too busy looking outside ourselves for pleasure and fulfillment. Of course, the porn card party does sound like good times. ;)
I've enjoyed all of the comments as much as the original post. Thanks for sparking so much discussion and debate.
SMOOCH! *virtual kiss*
i have developed a theory that v-day is the clearance sale of the sad holiday doldrums.
economics during this darkest of desperate times, respite with christmas debt, a pissed-off wife and taxes due, are resplendent with nothing but chocolate, excuses about job layoffs, seasonal affective disorder and that odd hooker that spent all of little jimmie's train money
maybe we should show the man how much we regret our indescretions by spending our money however it suits us........