You're talking loud but you ain't saying nothin.

Dec 10, 2007 at 10:50 AM
20 comments

Faith, focus, rants, words, actions, thoughts and even results mean nothing if there is no integrity supporting them.

I released that tweet into the virtual world today in hopes it would help to relieve the frustration that occasionally seems to take residence in the back of my mind. If I'm not careful, it slides down the back of my throat, seeps into my lungs and clouds my heart with a murkiness I find hard to put to bed.

There are so many people in this virtual world with something to say, something to share. It may be random thoughts about the curiosities of daily living...it may also be something that feels personally prolific. Whatever it is...we push these thoughts and expressions out into the world, hoping someone will hear us. And that...is one of the many things I do sincerely love about this space.

My mom says I have an old spirit about me. I was told I was both incredibly naive and quietly wise. I'm not concerned with being popular, or recognized or even agreed with. Most times I just want to be left alone with my own thoughts and beliefs and if they happen to work for you - then welcome. What I do always hope to be...is a person of integrity. It means more to me than unending fluffy talk about what you're gonna do, where you're gonna be and how amazing or great you may think you once were. It means more to me than anything else...because to me, that's the true measure of a person - their ability to stand and speak and act and live their truest intention without being at all interested in knowing if anyone is watching.

Is what I say, truly a reflection of who I am? I want to say, 99 percent of the time, yes. Be that reflection melancholy or jubilant, positive or snarky...it means a lot to me to know I don't need to hide behind my words, or use them to create a version of myself that simply is not true. Problem is...I want that from everyone, and I grow weary over time when I do not receive it. I used to look the other way when I watched people donning masks or getting lost in a game of "this is who I want the world to think I am." Now I've come to a point in my life where I want those types of folks as far away from me as possible. I want my willingness to be true in thought or action no matter the consequence returned to me, in every encounter I have.

When I know it is not, I get angry. I grow frustrated. With each passing year...I grow less tolerant of the reasons why people choose to live on the outer edges of life as opposed to getting right down to the meaty center. I grow less compassionate about people's fears of being rejected. I grow less sympathetic to people who lie for the sake of their own self preservation. I grow tired of wasting my time with people perfectly willing to waste copious amounts of their own. I get tired of redundancy. I get tired of cake and candy and sugary shit.

I get tired of people who like to find the proper words to say and promote them, instead of the integrity of their own action. I get tired of people thinking that just because I don't point out their lies, I'm somehow unaware of them.

I get tired of a make pretend world. Because when I'm being an asshole, I'll tell you. When I'm feeling lost, or scared or confused or stupid or inadequate...I'll tell you. If I've made a mistake or I've been cruel or selfish...I'll tell you that too. When I'm full of shit...you'll get it, straight from the horses' mouth. I don't pretend I'm happy when I'm not. I don't pretend to have the answers when I don't. As time passes, more than any affluence or societal status or acceptance, I want to know I gave you the truest essence of me and you gave me that in return. Maybe I'm just selfish that way.

Sometimes, there's just too much talking.

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Tags:

integrity

Comments

[this is good]

wow, and I thought I was the only one that felt this way the older I get. Very nice put.

[this is good]

we are of such like minds today.... every day actually, but today this reminds me of the BS pushed on me by landlord's wife yesterday. *wink*

[this is good]

no words, just agreement.

[this is good]

Sing it, sister.

"I want to know I gave you the truest essence of me and you gave me that in return."

Anything less than that is pretty much a waste of time.

[this is good]

This is very well written and so very true. I have been thinking a lot about authenticity over the past week and being true to myself in relationships, so a lot of what you say echoes what I have been feeling. However, I think that most people don't live this way. Perhaps they say they want to, but many people (at least it seems to me) want to live the sugary lie. I have found it can be difficult to be so honest when others don't want to be receptive.

[this is good]

I think we are culturally conditioned to deal in superficialities and ignore truth, meaning, substance, and integrity. It's very easy to get distracted by shiny objects and forget what's real.

[this is good]

Very well said. Insincerity is a huge pet peeve of mine.

the true measure of a person - their ability to stand and speak and act and live their truest intention without being at all interested in knowing if anyone is watching.

Too many people want an audience and want to play to the crowd and the internet has provided so many people with that kind of dubious celebrity. True character is what you do/say/act when no one is looking.

I have worked hard to shake myself out of the "trying to be what will please other people" mode but find myself sometimes slipping because so many people do not want to accept the reality. I think many people wear masks to be accepted. The double edged sword here is that we cannot truly be happy unless we are allowed to be ourselves.

The double edged sword here is that we cannot truly be happy unless we are allowed to be ourselves.

So true Foxsydee. I'm AMAZED at how often people get into this pickle. Playing in their mask, wondering why it doesn't feel good. Wondering when the happy wagon is gonna roll along. It won't. You can't fool yourself or the powers that be...no matter how much you "talk" the game.

Integrity is doing the right thing even if nobody is watching...

[this is good]

Wow. This is a great "line in the sand" post. I love but at the same time I'm not sure I measure up well to its' challenges. I seem to always draw back into, at least, self-perceived Wussdom.

Dearest...the fact that you would even consider how you measure up...and look at yourself with a willingness to even ASK...is what makes you a person of humility and integrity, in my opinion. It's not about perfection, it's about seeing self, good and bad, clearly.

Shakespeare said that "all the world is a stage" but some people take it for its literal meaning.

The problem when you wear the mask for too long is that you have built up a huge house of cards around it all....and when you take off the mask, the house will crumble and you will have to start over....and that is why people feel trapped once they go too far down that road. Insecurity and fear take over. And because of this, its no wonder we have such a drug and alcohol problem in our society today. two words = temporary escape.

I have never been part of the in crowd for any part of my life....simply because I refuse to be superficial or be a sheep. Accept me for who I am or don't accept me. I prefer quality over quantity when it comes to the people I have in life and whom I surround myself with. Iron sharpens iron and whom you choose to surround yourself with, says a lot about you are and where you are headed in life. That is not meant to sound elitist but rather that I choose to have uplifting friends who have integrity and character. If you choose to surround yourself with negative minded people...you will become negative...so the lesson is to choose your association wisely. And if anyone has my friendship, they have the loyal-est friend around.

Happiness is created within but most people cannot wrap their brain, hearts, or lives around that. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anything or anyone else.