Taken from Friday Fives...
What is your new years resolution for 2007?
I do not believe in making specific charges that can easily be broken and then altogether abandoned when mistakes or slip ups occur. Because they always occur. And then we bury our heads, call ourselves failures and resolve to do better "next year." Instead, I like to use broad thoughts that encompass lots of different things. I find it gives me more to celebrate at year end. The old resolution style is designed for breaking. I won't break, but I know I will bend.
I resolve to continue on the path I inadvertently began in 2005. I resolve to continue remaining open to growth, cultivating deeper patience with myself and others. I resolve to trust myself when I can't see what's around the bend. I resolve to speak truth when it's incredibly risky to do so. I resolve to take greater steps towards embracing the things that frighten me. I resolve to be more financially prudent.
Do you plan on going out or staying in for new years?
I don't usually go out on New Years. I never liked crowds (especially drunken ones), and there's always been something reflective about new years that makes me want to reflect, to snuggle, to reminisce, to celebrate those things than incite happiness and sadness. It's way too overwhelming to share with a billion people. Besides, I'm a Cancer. I love my shell. So I'm more apt to invite some really good friends over for something intimate, fun and warm.
Was 2006 a good year or a bad year?
2006 was a great year. Full of transition, full of lessons and full of challenges all designed to make me a stronger person. I shed a lot of tears, but I wouldn't forego one day of it. All things for reasons. Professionally I grew, My writing evolves and I know more about me than I ever have before. That's all good.
Did you make any resolutions for 2006, and if
so did you keep them?
Let's see a party.
Somewhere, someone has a pants party going on...you might wanna check them out. No partyin' round these parts right now. Sorry to be so dull. LOL.
So I woke up again this morning at 4am and made my way to the airport. And...as usual, there's always lots to look at in total befuddlement about the whole aviation experience.
I pondered the sanity (and taste) of the woman who sported a red pea coat and pink flip flops, in upper forty degree weather. I gave a haughty older woman a good old fashioned Philly good morning when she turned and answered, "what?" to my request to be excused so I could access the ticket kiosk. (RPM sans coffee at 4:45am after a day of flight delays could easily take Rocky, the 28 year old version or the 68 year old version) I questioned the logic of security checkpoints being chronically understaffed in large airports and incredibly efficient in airports with a quarter of the traffic. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I wondered how much faster we could deplane if people weren't in a rush to stand and clog up the aisles as soon as the seat belt light and bell goes off. My travel schedule is about to pick up again - and every season I wonder the same things at least 25 times.
Travel can really bring out the worst in people.
On my flight from Cincinnati to Austin, we made our way across the sky in a puddle jumper. I thought I'd have my seat to myself until a woman with a small elephant as carry-on, tapped me on the shoulder to access the window seat I was secretly coveting. While she tried to shove the elephant under the seat in front of her, I glanced around for another seat to escape to. While my head was turned, this woman decided to sit on my lap whle she organized her things.
"Ummm...ma'm?" I said, peering around her arm. She turned, and with great shock replies..."Oh! I didn't know I was sitting on your lap!" She stands and so do I, to give her all the space she needs to organize Babar, her purse, a sack of novels and a blanket. Once SHE is settled, I sat.
Shortly thereafter, the flight attendant asks 5 people from rows 1-6 to select seats in rows 8-13. An unusual request but a nice opportunity to get away from the "lap dancer" and her elephant - so needless to say I offered myself up. I still wonder what that was about, but it was a smooth flight, so I'll let it go.
On the SAME flight, we later had an escaped cat named Hershey. Hershey climbed out of his case while his "mom" slept, and soon made a mockery of all of us, darting in and out of the aisle in various rows until the flight attendant finally cornered him near the pilots door.
Snakes on a plane? Try baby Babar and frisky felines.
So I'm back home. Pardon me while I take a break tonight to spend some quality time with a person I've missed a great deal...
me.
Be back tomorrow.
I sit in mom's kitchen, pondering my existence, the passing of Gerald Ford and what exactly I should be blogging about this morning.
There's so much that could be said, and so much more I could should be silent about. Some things are better for books than blogs, right?
This was an odd holiday, no bones about it. Everyone I spoke to seemed to be experiencing some sort of malaise. A general lack of shiny elf-like magic that's media tells us we should feel. I came into the holiday fiercely determined to remain upbeat, cheerful, happy and accepting of all events that piece together a puzzle I can't see yet. I dodged the negative thoughts and energies I felt around me, convinced there is something in my nature that encourages people to complain knowing that they will receive an encouraging reply. I vowed to myself I would return only good strong energy. The sort you build sandcastles on when you're a child, confident nothing could ever come and wash it away. A blind, naive trust that the universe wants to bring you something beneficial. There's a little kid somewhere in me that desperately wants to believe in this notion.
I missed my voxers. I'm looking forward to catching up with my neighbors. I missed this space. It's very hard to write, anything...when I return Philly. Even to journal. It's unfortunate too, as I typically experience/see/feel so many things during these sojourns. So much to say, but I remain silent. I suppose I'm waiting for the dust to settle, and to return to a place that allows me to sit quietly enough to get it out. So for any of you who are interested...some random thoughts I've been chewing on:
- James Brown passed on Christmas Day. As is typical of human nature, I must have heard 20 or so alternative posthumus titles for his songs. Absurd little takes on his song titles. Bizarre how we mask our discomfort regarding death with humor.
- Ever noticed that somethings are so difficult to return to? Sleep from nightmare, sweet dreams in general, childhood and illusion from clarity, in particular.
- Is it foolhardy to return to Texas carrying a Philadelphia Eagles duffel bag full of presents?
- I was told by a certain someone that there's a present waiting for me when I return to Texas. And yes. For those of you who weighed in on this and this...you'll know how curious/terrified/excited/concerned I am about the prospect of this. My mantra is..."make nothing of everything." Still I wonder...why a present?
Hi there. You may be wondering to yourself..."Hey, how is Philly?"
Well, I wouldn't have the foggiest idea as I am still in Austin, TX.
I might not have mentioned that with my mother's retirement from a large airline, came some nifty flight privledges that let me travel about the world for a fraction of the retail cost. Now mind you, that carries with it a huge stipulation. You fly stand-by. Which during the holidays is akin to trying to board a plane with a machete in your back pocket.
So, hours, and three bumped flights later, I cut my losses, and split. I'll try again tomorrow. Amen, and please pass the vino.
As I was checking my email, I rec'd a quick note from my friend NYCinephile, who remarked on the dfferences in my photos. I laughingly replied, that there are two (RPMs), they were simply a reflection of both. When asked to elaborate, I said, A Tale of Two RPMs.
A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. A solemn consideration, when I enter a great city by night, that every one of those darkly clustered houses encloses its own secret; that every room in every one of them encloses its own secret; that every beating heart in the hundreds of thousands of breasts there, is, in some of its imaginings, a secret to the heart nearest it! - A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens.
I know I'm not alone when I say that I have sides, to my personality. In this interactive society we have established, we can choose to be whatever we like to be. We can don the cloak of glamour, we can play the part of the comic or wax poetic. We can be any world of things...that is but a sliver of who we truly are. A reflection, carefully assembled by our experiences, our fears and our insecurities.
That RPM on the right is righteous and rebellious and saucy and clever. She's no shrinking violet. People come to her to fix problems, and she's happy to oblige. She friendly, expressive but also bullheaded and extremely opinionated. She was born of anger, of fear, of suppression and shame. She is the warden that explains any and all things my heart or mind can't make heads or tails of. She is Sydney Carton, in a very liberal sense.
That RPM on the left is the one the wild haired loud mouth to the right was born to protect. She is all softness and intuition and hesitant to speak all that she knows or sees. She can be absurdly naive, a deep well of thought that never comes out of the mouth, but finds freedom on paper. She rarely speaks, but listens always. And never tells. She's wise enough to know that wisdom has no room for logic. She is Charles Darnay, again in a very liberal sense.
And...as in A Tale of Two Cities...couldn't that be said of all of us? Aren't we all a mystery in some sense...perhaps to no one more than ourselves? Damn...I just realized how much I loved that book, all over again.
I hardly think I'm as interesting as any of those characters in the Dickens classic...but my conversation with NYCine, reminded me of the beautiful duality of the human personality. Cool stuff.
Now...I'm off to figure out how the hell to get to Philly. *wonders if Mecca can pull a sleigh...perhaps a sleigh dangling bologna?*
I'll be leaving tomorrow morning to head back home to Philly for another Christmas. I haven't been home since May of this year, the longest I have ever been away from my family.
While I am eager to see my folks, I also experience some dread. The more things change, the more many things stay the same. And, I have to leave Mecca behind, to spend Christmas with the petsitter as Mom has a dog that Mecca didn't "take" to during our last attempt to bring them together.
I've got much to do today. Instructions for the petsitter, last minute laundry, housecleaning (I love to come home to a spotless place), errand runnin, and then pre-Christmas with some friends tonight. I travel all the time, but for some reason, this time feels different.
Tomorrow...I head to cooler climates, and cooler dispositions.
I'll be around.
Past two years have been life altering. For each bad, there has been hidden good, for each good there's been even better. Another year gone, a pivotal year most assuredly to come. I'm a big believer in all things coming together on their own time, and with purpose that is rarely revealed during the transition.
As 2006 withers to it's end, I take a moment to appreciate what went well.
1. Career Shift. When 2006 started, I was in professional hell. Working for a company I didn't believe in, a boss I had no respect for and believing that I could not be successful unless I worked 6 days a week, at least 12 hours a day. By the end of March I'd made the commitment to really reflect on what I wanted next in my career and marry my professional wants with my personal needs. By May 1st, I had it. I wanted a virtual position that would allow me to home office, enjoy complete professional autonomy, reinvest myself completely in marketing, build my team and maintain a strong quality of life. I wanted a boss I could interact with as a peer. I wanted the ability to pursue personal goals. I wanted to feel like I was shaping the future of an organization. I have everything I asked for - and I wake every morning loving what I do. For that I am extremely thankful.
2. Financial Management. I started this year not knowing who I owed and why. I spent this year, pulling my credit reports, sitting down with financial management software and a goal to clear up stuff gathering dust in my financial history. At the close of this year I find myself 80% clear, precisely where I wanted to be and ready to do some serious, serious savings and investing for the tomorrows. I have a budget, I follow it and plan to gt even strong next year.
3. Change in residence, but closer to home. I had to move at the very early start of the year because of my Pit/AmStaff Terrier Mecca. I am a Cancer and therefore not terribly fond of change...but I went along anyway because I wasn't offered the luxury of choice (unless you consider giving up your dog, which I certainly do not). So, I found a place, and happened across some wonderful neighbors (the other ones). I first found them to be a bit intrusive. But they have taught me the joys of lightening up, never taking myself too seriously and enjoying the simplest of pleasures. Without this move, I would not have met them...and Mecca would have a huge friendly yard completely to herself. I must admit, I didn't want to...but Mecca and I are much happier here.
4. Therap-ease. I had squirmed away from it for some time. But near the
5. Vox. I joined in August, and as blogging and blog communities go - I've never encountered such a warm, intellectual, creative, comedic and memorable group in my days. I've all but formerly retired my spot on blogger, to make more room in my blogging life for the interactions and inspirations I gather as we all tumble through our days together. I thank Vox and all of you, for making each day interactively memorable. Long live the innurnet!!!
6. NaNoWriMo. I took my first stab at this in 2006. I thought I would finish with a 50K novel. I found out some crucial things. 1) 50K is but a halfway point unless you're writing something that doesn't require much depth. 2) didn't want to write a short story. I wanted to write the story. That's been working it's way up through my spirit for three years. NaNoWriMo created the door...but it's been up to me to open it. That experience has reminded me that writing, is as critical a part of my life, as anything else I've made a priority. It's up to me to carry that into 2007 and make it count.
7. Amy's Kitchen. What? Did you think this entire thing was going to be significant? Come now. You know me better than that. Such a wonderful collection of foods. I hardly know where to begin my cheering (or drooling). Need a quick Indian dish fix, but don't have time to prepare? The frozen dinners are amazing. I dare not say I am the organic food pro, but Amy makes me believe I am. Brings new meaning to wholesome goodness. Enjoy at a Whole Foods market near you.
You know the one...
"Imitation is the (highest)(sincerest) form of flattery."
This should be changed to:
"Imitation is the (highest)(sincerest) form of annoyance."
...thoughts?
...an excerpt from this weekend's writing...
Funny thing about wisdom, it creeps up on you. Just when you think you've thought all you can about something, that's when wisdom is borne. Wisdom is a magic trick whose secret is never revealed until everything you think you knew about magic is obliterated.
He called, another time to talk for a few minutes about nothing. It was another example of a psuedo-friendship without all the trimmings. Skeletal remains of an existence that might have been more fantasy than reality. He called to hear her voice, but he spoke instead of the guy he knew who just started his own taco business within a business center. He tells her a joke that is not remotely humorous, but she offers a chuckle. He's on his way in to work so he can't talk long...the conversations are timed this way so no one has to say anything meaningful.
She hangs up and smiles. It doesn't hurt the way it used to...back when wisdom was something someone else had that she envied. Sometimes all that was left was all that was there, and sometimes not. She had to trust innately that there was a reason for that - even when she couldn't readily call it out.
Later that night, he would call again. Home from work, he was tired and about to shower then go to bed. As he said it, the familiar scent of his skin just home from work filled her nostrils. Earthy and dirty sweet, like a cupcake dropped for just an instant in the backyard. She doubted that his night would end that innocently, but none of that mattered anymore.
How have you been, he would ask. She would reply that she was alright.
And she was.
By way of This Quiet Life.
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool - first songs only
Opening Credits - Ride, Groove Theory
Waking Up - Alone, Stephen Simmonds (that was just mean)
First Day of School - Crucial, New Edition (my GAWD this is embarrassing...and eerie)
Falling in Love - Are You Happy, Terence Trent D'Arby aka Sananda Maitreya
Fight Song - Let It Go, Jahiem
Breaking Up - Black Velveteen, Lenny Kravitz
Prom - In A Sentimental Mood, John Coltrane and Duke Ellington
Life is Good - Lay Your Head On My Pillow, Tony Toni Tone
Mental Breakdown - Hey Little Sister, Javier
Driving - Love's Divine, Seal
Flashback - Bewitched Bothered and Bewildered, Ella Fitzgerald (*gasp*)
Getting Back Together - Baby Blue, Tremolo
Wedding - Sunday Morning, No Doubt
Paying the Dues - No Woman No Cry, Bob Marley and the Wailers
The Night Before the War - The Space Between, Dave Matthews Band
Final Battle - Africa Bamba, Santana
Moment of Triumph - Tell Mama, Etta James
Death Scene - Love in the Lies, Amos Lee
Funeral Song - Walk Away, Phyllis Hyman
End Credits - 11th Hour, Dionne Farris
Show us who you'd like to NOT kiss under the mistletoe.
