My friend Kirk was telling me I needed to find some "non-sexual" activities to get myself immersed in, as opposed to the "i'mma f**k something" events that people keep trying to shove me into.
And as he is prone to do, he sent me an unforgettable link.
It's the perfect place to find a buncha people that like to do what you do, in a city near you. (that rhymed)
So I went, I found some interests....and uh..
Guess who now has a social calendar?
Wheeeeeeee!
Some of my most favorite characters in sitcoms would have been well served to spend some time on a therapist's couch. In fact, one of my most favorite characters of all time, made a living peeling back the layers of psyche.
Why do we hesitate to exercise that same forgiveness with ourselves? I mean, literally, why can't life be more like a sitcom?
Think about your favorite characters from your favorite sitcoms. Typically, the most memorable character is the one who does the most outlandish stuff, or gets caught in the most ridiculous situations. We anxiously await their downfall, and giggle when they unravel into whatever destructive behavior they exhibit that blows the situation well out of proportion.
Ahhh...the sweet numbing pleasures of detachment. Why can't we enjoy such decadence in our lives?
In sitcoms, a character can completely chew someone a new ass (inappropriately), LEAP to conclusions, have manic episodes of highs and lows, cheat, and be sexually compulsive and in tiny 22 minute (or so) segments, clean up the mess all to the amusement to a warm and friendly laugh track that goes, "oooohhh, you. You're so crazy."
Isn't that convenient?
Next time I screw something up in a moment of madness...or someone else around me does...I'm not going to react, I am going to wait patiently for the laugh track.
What's your sign? What do you think of astrology and horoscopes?
I am Cancer the Crab.
While I still think it's a bit far fetched to be able to predict specific events that may happen wthin a day because you were born on July 12th, I do think there is huge huge merit in understanding the wiring of some personalities according to the personality traits associated with each of the signs. I will admit, I always consider someone's sign when trying to get a handle on what some of their behavioral tendencies may be.
For example, I have experienced Libras as charming but challenged when it comes to making decisions. I experience Virgos as being a bit critical, but extremely capable. Pisces? Dreamers, that experience great highs and very low lows. Aries? Fiery tempers that hold their truest cards very tightly to their chest. Leos? Love to be the boss, but have huge hearts when it gets down to it. I could go on - but I'll spare you.
I do believe life experiences of course play a huge factor in how you are as well. But how those experiences are expressed in your personality? Astrology definitely has value.
Oh, and I think the Brit's are far better at the entire horoscope thing than in the US.
I better be off...is Mercury still in retrograde? If it is that means communication is down, aggravation is up and nothing right now appears to be easy.
What did you think you would never ever do... but did?
Submitted by Murky.
1. Never thought I'd live in Texas.
2. Never thought I'd get past my fear of bugs.
3. Never thought I'd travel abroad.
4. Never thought I'd meet the guy I saw in a vision when I was a young girl.
5. Never thought I'd get over my fear of needles.
6. Never thought I'd be able to speak my truth with my parents.
7. Never thought I'd be an advocate of therapy.
Still some never evers to be cleared...
Books, movies, music; what's in your top 5 right now?
Well, not necessarily my tops. They're just in rotation right now.
Ok, so I got up super early this morning. Lots on my mind, too cluttered to sleep. I turned on HBO, and watched the documentary on Jim Brown. Directed by Spike Lee, I watched it again for the millionth time to cure my insomnia. It was during the documentary that I had...
...another RPM epiphany.
I know why I'm still single. (this is partially tongue in cheek so please refrain from posting psycho-analytic feedback on this one...RPM speak for, "it's all true, but I don't really care what anyone thinks it means on a larger scale")
One of my favorite black movies from the seventies is Three the Hard Way. Why? Not for that winning, Oscar worthy plot. No. Because of the three leading men. Jim Brown. Jim Kelly. Fred Williamson.
*fans face*
They fit the profile of what always makes me swoon. And therein lies my damned problem. I'm a sucker for testosterone, brawn, arrogance and attitude. Campy and oversketched in their representation in Hollywood, the swagger behind those films is like an electric charge to my heart. Jump start. The bigger, the badder, the better.
Black Belt Jones
*insert swoon here*
The Hammer.
Fred was politically charged, not so much as my next man...but damned close. He was aggressively defiant. Without care of who was pissed off or why, Fred "The Hammer" Williamson again fit the mold of my "hero." I never got into the O.J. Simple flicks, he always liked to play the clown. Nah, I like the guys who say. "I don't give a damn WHAT you think." Problem is...that usually applies to everyone and anyone around them. Never really thought about the implications of that one. Just balls out brazen. I mean....how do I not sigh over a guy the call "The Hammer?"
Jim Brown. Just...that's it. Jim Brown
So rounding up the three men, if I were to do some tagging on these fellows, it would look something like this:
big, brawny, dubious, aggressive, suggestive, sexual, combative, arrogant, tempermental, brooding, self-involved, dangerous, mischievous, notorious, coy, ambiguous, noncommital, deviant, flirtatious, boisterous, troubled, complicated, distant, cunning
So uh yeah.
Single? Not shocked by this. Not by a long shot.
I was told early this morning, that I crave unhappiness. That I romanticize it possibly because it spurs my creativity. Potentially because, its a generational thing that goes from woman to woman in my family.
I was told that I'm being a bit of a brat. Why? Because I'm used to getting what I want. I'm used to making it happen. And in this particular instance, I have been unable to secure what I want. And so I am throwing one long, enduring temper tantrum.
So um...ouch.
While I don;t necessarily agree with some elements of our conversation as I believe most people will kindly and innocently project onto you their own experiences or sore spots...I do believe there was significant merit to what was said.
I have craved unhappiness. Why? Because it's as familiar to me as my Mother's apron.
And now it's time to leave the apron strings. And try a different approach. To learn to crave, happiness. To take actions that demonstrate a commitment to happiness. To not believe beneath a sunny exterior that all I will truly receive, is bullshit. And...go about seeing that through.
Problem is...
How do you learn to undo something you've been doing your entire life? This question is rhetorical. I probably wouldn't believe your answer anyway.
Show us some shades of blue.
How ironic. Shades of Blue. The title of a short story I've been struggling to figure out what to do with.
But anyway...shades of blue...
John Mayer's Continuum. I swear it's gonna save my very life. He's grown up, (even more) had his heart broken and recovered a tremendous amount of soul. Today's song running over and over and over and over yet again in my head today is Gravity. I'm sharing the track below. Give it a listen and enjoy.
And yes. You must read the lyrics.
Gravity
John Mayer. Continuum
Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down
Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away
Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down
Oh twice as much aint twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees
(repeat)
Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
And gravity has taken better men than me you see now how can that be?
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Keep you me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Ohh… where the light is...
You say nothing will come of relationships
So nothing is what you give
You race toward distraction
Sipping fruit laced tonics
Isn’t it ironic
Numbness gives you reinforcement to live.
Women are dared to want you at their own expense
The truth is deftly avoided
To gain their soft affection
Predicting disaster
You look past her
The future by your hand is distorted.
Your eyes belie your forced contentment
Laughter cloaks the fury
Your wounds left unhealed
You make the rules
Warily pick your fools
Reinforcing the same end to each story.
Still with all the games and dance afoot
Your heart whispers truth
You erase it with each new partner
Agonizing in your mind
The one you leave behind
To simmer in the broth of your self-abuse.
Each one believes they will be chosen
Arrogant in their quest
Half-heartedly they look for escape
Angels with arms
You are safe from harm
Because they had a sliver of you at best.
You try to close yourself to her soul’s voice
But she haunts you ever still
She slips into you by way of dream
Hovering in your heart
So many worlds apart
So close yet too far for your wounds to feel.
She leaves you again each morning silently
A mist in the harbor of anxiety
Hovering momentarily above your eyes
She whispers to you
You say I love you too
Then you wake to your empty reality.
