I've been playing Sia's recent release Some People Have Real Problems pretty heavily as of late. And I'm all for doing something different with your videos, but this one nearly made me 1) dizzy, 2) hyperventilate, 3) wince, 4) stare in amazement.
Enjoy.
There are some gifts you get in this life, that you appreciate at first...and then they overtake you as something bigger, sweeter and more valuable then you could ever imagine.
My sister is that gift for me. A beautiful, effervescent baby turned into a vibrant,courageous woman before my eyes. Her driver's license and my grey hairs peeking here and there are the only proof of the passing of time. I called her tonight, as I always do when I feel myself sinking into something I can't quite define. No one else can fix it, I don't expect anyone else to understand the experiences that inspire slow leaks quite like she can.
There are some hurts and pains that time fades. Others rise and fall when a cold wind blows. It is during those times I love being able to rest my head in her lap and be understood in my silence.
There is no greater treasure.
So tonight my sweetest little mouse, I send you what you send me. Thank you for finding me in my shadowlands.
- RPM
From her recent release, Some People have Real Problems. The entire CD is...well, I love her. End of story.
I watched the Democratic election results coming in last night, and my jaw dropped nearly to the floor when CNN cut over to Hillary Clinton's speech in El Paso, TX. She was addressing a large, passionate crowd just as the Virginia results were coming in. Everyone keeps telling us she needs the Hispanic vote. After a few moments of point, point, smile, wave, a young Mexican boy in a sombrero was brought to the stage to deliver her flowers. She took his hand...and proceeded to parade the boy about the stage, smiling and waving as if to say...
"Hi Latino voters, see? You love me. See this kid? This kid clearly indicates that I love you. Now...gimmie that vote!"
As a minority, I say...
We're not that fucking gullible. (I mean, we aren't...are we?)
I read an interesting (and humorous) take on that ridiculous lurch for votes. Click for the video alone, it is priceless.
I don't bash. I have my opinions but I stay above the belt in expressing my thoughts. But this one?
Sorry.
It was desperate, lazy and woefully, woefully obvious. Win votes with what you bring to the table. Asking someone to vote for you based on your "affinity" for a culture, is as ridiculous as asking me to vote for you because we're both women. I don't like when ANY candidate relies on cheap nonsense like this because it smacks of politics as usual. And I for one and really, really over politics as usual.
Humans are scary.
Jason said it here. To me, it sums up the basic social interaction debacle many of us are faced with when trying to sincerely and deeply relate to each other. It's the reason some of us feel like we've been holding out our hand in the darkness waiting for the brave soul we desire most to take it...and the reason many of those desired souls seem to do anything but reach back.
Sometimes the most frightening things in the world, are the things we desire more than anything. The more we long for them it seems the more elusive they become. Same works for people, I suspect. The more we rest the very root of our happiness, peace and fulfillment on them, the more they...well, they freak the hell out. There's a lot at stake in loving ourselves, and loving someone else.
I mentioned in my reply to Adrienne this morning, that I can honestly say everything I've ever wanted, I've received. I don't say that with any air of supremacy like I've cracked some magic code. Hell, anything but. I think Life and God, or the Universe or whatever you call that force that shapes and guides our existence is out there listening to every thing we express. Every positive and every negative. Not just what we say out loud we want, but what we silently express we feel we deserve. Sometimes those are two separate and distinct things. And we're more inclined to get what we believe we deserve, rather than what we say we desire. And there's nothing more terrifying than getting what you (truly and honestly) believe you deserve.
Some of the things I've expressed (either in action or my own embittered disappointment) have come to me as clearly as any good thing I've ever wished for myself. It's what we do with the wishes granted, that truly define our existence. And, you know what Adrienne, you're right. People ARE impatient. Chalk me up as one of those impatient people, shaking my fist from time to time at a sky that dares warm my face with sunshine. I have things I have deeply desired, for years. And in all this time, some of those deepest desires have yet to be fulfilled. I'm 35. I'm not married. I have no children. And yet, there are many desires that have been granted beyond my wildest dreams. They didn't come overnight. They came at the price of plenty of long scary days and terrifying nights. But here was the primary difference between the wishes granted and the personal ones yet to come:
I was ready for some. Not ready for all. There's something I believe that must accompany any desire. And it's readiness for the arrival. Sometimes, we think we're ready, we feel we're ready...but for reasons buried deeply within our subconscious, or even in the greater world around us...it simply is not time. I think my desires granted have come because a) I never stopped believing I could achieve them, b) I was willing to endure the creepy moments never doubting for one moment that they would come, and c) I knew clearly what they were to begin with.
If I would dare try and assign a logic to things spiritual, I would say that's the key to the manifestation of things desired in our lives. Stepping away from the theories of The Secret and other personal manifestation theories, I do believe there is a quiet equation to things coming to us. There is a spiritual "resonance" we have to project, that alerts the powers that be to our readiness. Or if you want to look at it from a more secular standpoint...circumstances have to be right for your desires to come to you. And you have to be willing to hang out for a minute because life doesn't always work on our watch.
You might be ready for love, but sometimes that love ain't ready for you. Sometimes that love needs to experience some things to make it ready for you. Sometimes you have to experience somethings to increase your readiness for it. Sometimes we aren't as sure as we adamantly state we are. And sometimes...we just don't believe it's possible.
I've had a long standing desire for that love that endures all things, for that curly haired big eyed boy sleeping contently on his father's chest - an image that's haunted my dreams for more years than you would even believe if I told you. But there have been many times I thought myself unworthy of it...and that's probably chased it away. There have been times when in fear, I clasped and grabbed and tugged and pulled and pushed to "make it ready" for me...and that probably chased it away too. Finally, there have been times when like it or not, that desire has its own cooking to do, to be ready for me. I can't possibly control all those elements, nor is it my ability to "see" all the curves and bends my road is to take. What I can do, is learn whatever I need to learn, find patience where there is none, live with an understanding that I can't possibly control anything but my own optimism, or pessimism and willingness to extend my hand knowing that all wishes, in their own way and in their own time, are granted.
Maybe that makes me a dreamer. And, dreaming itself, can be scary. But I'm alright with that. Because it's better than trying to live this life without it.
Valentines Day, is a day of fuckery. Please know that even in a relationship, I have made it abundantly clear that if you come anywhere near me with roses and candy red hearts I will likely give you the gas face. Why? Because everything about the holiday is forced. Everything about Valentine's day is candy coating over whatever your reality might be. And if you know anything of me after all my blabbering on this thing, you know I'm disinclined to approve of candy coated life.
Perhaps its because my father made the gas face at the "holiday." Perhaps it's because this holiday seems to (intentionally or not) give great anxiety to those who deem themselves "loveless" because someone isn't dropping at least 70 bucks on an assortment of "love themed" junk. Perhaps it's because many who do partake in the holiday do it, not because they want to...but because they fear what may happen to them should they not. Whatever it is, every year I look at this holiday and I wonder how we got herded into this crap to begin with.
This post was not going to start about Valentine's day. But it's a fitting lead in to some news. As you probably know, I've been toe dipping into something that has had some promise. And I told you I wouldn't be sharing too much of it. And I didn't. Without telling you the hows and whys of how we fell rather awkwardly into the friendship category...ah hell...it's a holiday week. Why not.
Nine Things I Learned This Go 'Round:
1. Don't be afraid to put your dealbreakers out there. There's nothing wrong in the 'getting to know you' stage, with really clarifying what you want, for yourself and in life. Also, when it's tastefully appropriate, be sure to establish those things that make you toss the entire bit in the garbage. If you're upfront, you can save a lot of time and a lot of heartache.
2. Mean what you say, and say only what you mean. This has always been a rule I love, but I'm learning how to appreciate the benefits of direct, open conversation. One thing the Lawyer and I did, and will continue to do as friends, is always let each other know how we feel and what's important to us. It may have been hard to do sometimes, but I'm learning that if you are truly dealing with an adult, it's always, always immediately rewarding. No matter the end result.
3. My dealbreakers, are REALLY dealbreakers for me. I've never been a line in the sand girl, persay...but I'm learning that as I get increasingly comfortable in my skin, I am finding it easier to find my voice in areas of concern, doubt and disappointment. My days of grinning and bearing it, are truly, behind me. I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of not being true to me.
4. No matter how your heart breaks, someone can and will melt your heart. (Again) And it's usually when you least expect it.
5. Allow someone you respect, to show you what it's like to be on the receiving end of you. I am grateful, grateful, grateful for this latest opportunity. He has taught me what it's like to be on the receiving end of me. And you know what? That's not a bad place to be.
6. Partings don't always have to be "scenes." In fact, if most of your partings are scenes, perhaps you need to look at who you've been dating. If you keep ending relationships with a flower pot upside the head, you might wanna take a harder look at how you love and who you tend to want to love you. I learned that in my history, every ending, ended peacefully, and usually with love still in tact. I am most proud of this.
7. Let things come to you. I read this on a tea bag not too long ago. I sighed audibly when I read it, it resonated with me on so many levels. It's so easy to let fear force you to act, to make choices, to pull, to push...to do something/anything. I am learning more and more, to keep my hand open. There's no need to grab, no need to clasp, no need to pin your life's hopes and dreams on any one person, or thing as if it is the very source of your happiness. YOU...are the source of your happiness. And what's right, will always find it's way to you. There's is actually very little we have to do, but be.
8. It's okay to know when you know. So many times we all get immediately involved in the "public assessment" of our relationships. We feel a need to let others opinions about what it is and what it isn't steer our interpretation. We need endorsement. No, we don't. Trust yourself. That is unless a friend uncovers that your person of interest is wanted in three states for molesting koi fish or something*. Then you might want to reconsider.
9. If it happens once, it's an event. If it happens twice, it might be a coincidence. If it happens three times, it's a habit. Know whether or not you can handle it. In this instance, I did a good job of establishing for me, what my personal dating dealbreakers are. The first time a breaker popped up, it took me a minute, but I addressed it. The second time it came up, I noted it and waited to see if he acknowledged it. He did, and we discussed how we wanted to handle it. The third time, we peacefully and amicably discussed our differences and what they meant. When I think back on all the times I didn't do that and where it got me...I see progress. And that makes me feel good.
So the sun sets on that little romance. But I'm not at all sad about it. I needed it, I learned from it and I'm not regretting one moment of it. I don't suspect he is, either. And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
*No koi fish were harmed in the entirety of this relationship. The lawyer and myself remain avid fans and supporters of err..fishkind.
In a moment of true comic genius...
I went into my bathroom to switch out of my magoos glasses and into my contacts. It is important, to at least have some presence of mind when doing such tasks. Auto-pilot can be hazardous. Why?
While pondering other thoughts, I open the contact case, ever so nicely dumped the contents down the drain, following with rushing water, washing out the case, then refilling with multi purpose solution. That would be my normal routine...for taking out my lenses and storing them for the night. Problem is of course...the contacts were already in the case. This would be daytime. Not bedtime.
Nice.
I was reading Baratunde's blog, which you'll want to visit if you've ever wanted to get an informative and witty take on why so many folks are feeling passionate about Barack Obama. Last week, he posted a friend of his, Derrick Ashong's brilliant break down of Barack's stance on Healthcare while under "friendly fire" outside a recent debate.
That video received so much response, Derrick posted a video of his own to explain the circumstances behind that interview and his more emotional reasons for his support. Both are compelling and for many of us, an example of what an informed voter should aspire to be. I'm sharing the videos here as Baratunde and so many others have done, to get the word out.
And a personal thanks to folks like Baratunde, Derrick and others who passionately and eloquently spread the word.
Life As It Is
Making Life Work For You
... At the end of the day, we must come to terms with changing what we can and accepting what we cannot change. Sometimes the laundry piles up, a sick child demands more of our attention than usual, and we temporarily get behind with our schedule. Accepting this momentary state of affairs and trusting in our ability to get back on track when the time is right, we gracefully accept our life as it is, letting go of perfectionism and embracing life as it stands.
- Daily Ohm, February 11th 2008
Sometimes the most difficult and yet most critically important thing you can do for you, is to acknowledge where you are in this moment. As imperfect as it may be in your eyes, this moment has its purpose. And you job is not to analyze it to within an inch of it's life. You job is simply to exist within the moment, do what you can and leave the rest. After all, it is just a moment. There's another one coming right up to take it's place.
I spent my entire weekend worrying. All about things I cannot directly alter, worrying about things I've done, worrying about things I will do, worrying about all the unforeseen things that may or may not happen in my life. After a weekend of worrying, I realized something.
All the worrying, did absolutely nothing. I could've spent the weekend doing something a lot more memorable.
We have a nation at stake.
An entire nation filled with men, women, children, whites, asians, blacks, latinos, handicapped, veterans, gay folks, straight folks and all the myriad of other people I've undoubtedly offended by not including them in a category.
Let me say it again.
We are a nation, at stake. At a crossroads, at the tipping point. Five alarms ringing. PERIL.
If I hear one more argument for or against a candidate based on things like gender and race, I am packing my shit and leaving the planet Earth.
*crickets*
Okay, I realize I'm being dramatical in nature, but my point is this....
It is so easy...EASY to hang your vote on someone's genitals. Okay, that was extreme, but you get it. It is EASY to make this about voting for a black man as some sort of "payback" on the oppression of America. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. I am sick of the arguments about one candidates ability or inability to be a good leader that are founded in pigment and ovaries. This is about so much more than that. This election is about so much more than black redemption and feminism. Because I have news for you. If either one of these candidates are elected:
1. Racism will still be alive and thriving in this county and around the world.
2. Gender bias will still be alive and thriving in this country and around the world.
Selecting either of these candidates is not the magic solution to such problems. I'd love it if it was that simple. But none of our issues around discrimination have ever been that easy to solve. And electing either Barack or Hillary will not, I repeat, will NOT solve that. It will make a point, true...but my point is...
Our nations state is about far more than these two notable distinctions.
This is not a post to steer anyone. I have made my choice as I know many people have, and I respect that. But please...please...please...I beseech you...
make your choice by doing research, asking questions, doing equal and balanced homework, digging deep and thinking beyond just what is immediately annoying to you. If you can do that, and select a candidate you feel passionately about without being blind to what the other candidates potentially bring and take from the table - then you have my respect, hell...my blessings, no matter who you vote for. You know I'm all about the feeling yall, but not when you're not doing any thinking to go along with it.
