2 posts tagged “moving”
Alternative titles for this post were:
Anywhere, But Here.
One Flew Out of the Cuckoo's Nest.
or
Once Upon A Time in Austin.
Somehow...Sanity won out. Let's hope that starts a trend.
My mother as we speak is driving across the country with her husband and her brother in tow. She's moving to her new home in...Texas. You might recall I moved to Austin nearly three years ago chasing a dream and running from my own demons. I learned in this time, two invaluable lessons. Sometimes chasing dreams shifts them further away, and demons know no state lines. The remedy for both is the same. Acceptance, faith and a good dose of patience with the world and most importantly, with yourself.
Mom finds her way on this odyssey for reasons that are completely different and yet painfully similar. Chasing dreams and running from problems that will lie in wait and show up on her doorstep one morning when she goes to fetch the morning paper. I watch and wish for all good things for her, knowing I cannot chart her course anymore than she can. I know better than to believe I can control too much more than my bladder or my choices. She will inevitably find out the same. Or at least...that is my hope for her. I hope she opens her arms to the adventure. That part I know is key.
I was fiercely opposed to this at first. Her decision to move felt oppressive at best. I assumed that the shackles of being a keystone for an entire family would soon be clasped firmly around my wrists and ankles, placing limits on my choices and a pricetag on my freedom. A few loving souls had to remind me of my own emancipation. It took me decades to find my voice, and now that I've found it, I find it incredibly difficult to silence. That means more intimate connections but it also means more biting disagreements. I've always been headstrong, but now the people around me know precisely what's moving behind my eyes and within my chest. And sometimes...they don't care to know. Mom, especially.
I cannot stuff myself back into the box of obedient child. She continues to search for new ways to make me fit. Somehow...in the midst of this shoving, pulling, tugging and smashing there is a love and bind that both maddens and softens me. What drives me most crazy about my mother, I often see in myself, things I wish weren't there. My mother sees something in me she's never been able to find in herself. I think she finds that both inspiring and frightening. We attract and repel like magnets. From time to time, when we're open and not struggling so much, we manage to love the hell out of each other. Those are the moments I try to retain.
There will be good. There will be bad. The trick I suppose will be not to get too blindsided by either one, because that's the nature of evolution.
Welcome to Texas, Mom.
Love,
RPM
Past two years have been life altering. For each bad, there has been hidden good, for each good there's been even better. Another year gone, a pivotal year most assuredly to come. I'm a big believer in all things coming together on their own time, and with purpose that is rarely revealed during the transition.
As 2006 withers to it's end, I take a moment to appreciate what went well.
1. Career Shift. When 2006 started, I was in professional hell. Working for a company I didn't believe in, a boss I had no respect for and believing that I could not be successful unless I worked 6 days a week, at least 12 hours a day. By the end of March I'd made the commitment to really reflect on what I wanted next in my career and marry my professional wants with my personal needs. By May 1st, I had it. I wanted a virtual position that would allow me to home office, enjoy complete professional autonomy, reinvest myself completely in marketing, build my team and maintain a strong quality of life. I wanted a boss I could interact with as a peer. I wanted the ability to pursue personal goals. I wanted to feel like I was shaping the future of an organization. I have everything I asked for - and I wake every morning loving what I do. For that I am extremely thankful.
2. Financial Management. I started this year not knowing who I owed and why. I spent this year, pulling my credit reports, sitting down with financial management software and a goal to clear up stuff gathering dust in my financial history. At the close of this year I find myself 80% clear, precisely where I wanted to be and ready to do some serious, serious savings and investing for the tomorrows. I have a budget, I follow it and plan to gt even strong next year.
3. Change in residence, but closer to home. I had to move at the very early start of the year because of my Pit/AmStaff Terrier Mecca. I am a Cancer and therefore not terribly fond of change...but I went along anyway because I wasn't offered the luxury of choice (unless you consider giving up your dog, which I certainly do not). So, I found a place, and happened across some wonderful neighbors (the other ones). I first found them to be a bit intrusive. But they have taught me the joys of lightening up, never taking myself too seriously and enjoying the simplest of pleasures. Without this move, I would not have met them...and Mecca would have a huge friendly yard completely to herself. I must admit, I didn't want to...but Mecca and I are much happier here.
4. Therap-ease. I had squirmed away from it for some time. But near the
5. Vox. I joined in August, and as blogging and blog communities go - I've never encountered such a warm, intellectual, creative, comedic and memorable group in my days. I've all but formerly retired my spot on blogger, to make more room in my blogging life for the interactions and inspirations I gather as we all tumble through our days together. I thank Vox and all of you, for making each day interactively memorable. Long live the innurnet!!!
6. NaNoWriMo. I took my first stab at this in 2006. I thought I would finish with a 50K novel. I found out some crucial things. 1) 50K is but a halfway point unless you're writing something that doesn't require much depth. 2) didn't want to write a short story. I wanted to write the story. That's been working it's way up through my spirit for three years. NaNoWriMo created the door...but it's been up to me to open it. That experience has reminded me that writing, is as critical a part of my life, as anything else I've made a priority. It's up to me to carry that into 2007 and make it count.
7. Amy's Kitchen. What? Did you think this entire thing was going to be significant? Come now. You know me better than that. Such a wonderful collection of foods. I hardly know where to begin my cheering (or drooling). Need a quick Indian dish fix, but don't have time to prepare? The frozen dinners are amazing. I dare not say I am the organic food pro, but Amy makes me believe I am. Brings new meaning to wholesome goodness. Enjoy at a Whole Foods market near you.
